what i'd like to do for this web page is just type away as i please about whatever crosses my mind, this is something that i've thought to do many times before and every time without fail it's collapsed and i've not continued or given up on what I was doing, this I think is related to my adhd, which I like to mention but I feel as if it's implied that it is a crutch or I deserve to be coddled when I don't want to come off that way. Over time I've developed this sense that grew into a sort of paranoia, I am extremely paranoid and make sure that whenever I talk that it is dogged with lots of hesitation marks or other things like that so as to prevent coming off overly arrogant or as if I know more than others. I frequently ask myself if I am being x or y when I'm sure that if I were to be observed I am so frightful and scared of being x or y that i end up being the opposite of it, that's what I like to think, I can think of cases where that's most definitely what's happened, but I'm not sure, see, it's happening now but I'm serious in the sense that I hold lots of hesitation because I am just very hesitant in general, I don't brush away whatever I think in the sense that I hold it dear to myself but communicating anything to anyone is very difficult for me because I end up fumblind and mumbling and stumbling my way around whatever point of conversation I wanted to have, it's very embarassing but it's just how it is I suppose.
I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I it's all me me me me me me me me I I I I I but i guess it's a blog huh ;)